5 asiaa hääjärjestelyissä, joihin vanhempasi haluavat puuttua

Sukulaiset ovat usein suureksi avuksi hääjärjestelyissä ja yleensä etenkin vanhemmat ovat innokkaasti mukana suunnittelemassa suurta päiväänne. Joskus apua on tarjolla niin paljon, että häävalmistelujen loppumetreillä tunteet ovat jo aika pinnassa ja sinusta saattaa tuntua siltä, että joka asiaan tarttuvista sukulaisista on enemmän haittaa kuin hyötyä. Etenkin äidit suhtautuvat yleensä niin suurella tunteella jälkikasvunsa tärkeän päivän valmisteluun, että toisinaan käytöstavat saattavat kokonaan unohtua. Listasimme viisi yleisintä asiaa, joihin vanhempasi todennäköisesti haluavat puuttua sekä selviytymisvinkit kiperiin keskusteluihin.

1. Vanhempasi haluavat kutsua omia vieraita juhliinne

Vieraslistan kokoaminen on muutenkin yksi hääsuunnittelun vaikeimmista tehtävistä, joten stressiä ei todellakaan helpota äiti tai isä, joka haluaa lisätä omia tuttujaan nimilistaan. Jos ette pidä varaanne vieraslistaltanne saattaa yhtäkkiä löytyä isäsi bisneskavereita, golftuttuja ja tietenkin se mukava pariskunta, jonka tapasitte Rhodoksella viisitoista vuotta sitten!

On toki vanhempien kannalta mukavaa, että heilläkin on tuttuja juhlassa, mutta muistakaa, että häät ovat teidän, eivät kenenkään muun. Jos mahdollista, voitte antaa vanhempien kutsua muutamia tuttujaan, siis jos budjettinne antaa myöten. Jos ei, tehkää heti alkuun selväksi, että vieraslistassa ei ole keskusteluvaraa.

2. Vanhempasi tyrkyttävät omia ideoitaan

Etenkin äideillä saattaa olla hyvinkin voimakkaat mielipiteet siitä, millaista juhlaa olette tekemässä. Jos äitisi pitää enemmän runsaasta maalaisromanttisesta tyylistä, hänelle saattaa olla vaikea paikka taipua sinun minimalistisiin suunnitelmiisi. Riita puhkeaa, kun äiti yrittää keinolla millä hyvänsä ujuttaa omia lempiasioitaan sotkemaan teidän suunnitelmianne.

Toki vanhempasi tarkoittavat pohjimmiltaan vain hyvää ja he ovat innoissaan siitä, että heidän lapsensa on kasvamassa aikuiseksi ja perustamassa omaa perhettä. Yritä siis ymmärtää, että häät ovat heille kaiken ilon lisäksi myös hieman haikea paikka.  Mutta mikäli sinun visiosi unelmiesi päivästä ei kohtaa heidän visionsa kanssa, sinun on pysyttävä lujana ja tehtävä heille selväksi, että teette häistänne omannäköisenne – kaikella rakkaudella.

3. Vanhempasi haluavat maksaa häät – ja päättää kaikesta

Tämä onkin kiperä sudenkuoppa. Häät ovat kalliita ja taloudellinen apu tervetullutta, mutta mitä jos vanhempien avun hyväksymisen vaarana on, että menetätte järjestelyjen päätäntävallan? Toisinaan maksava taho saattaa nimittäin olettaa, että avun ansiosta hänen mielipiteitään kuunnellaan erityisen herkällä korvalla.  Tilannetta voi rauhoittaa se, että annatte periksi jossain asiassa, mutta pidätte tiukasti päänne niissä asioissa, jotka ovat teille kaikkein tärkeimpiä. Jos yhteisymmärrystä ei synny, voit ehdottaa avun antajalle, että hän osallistuisi esimerkiksi antamalla rahaa häämatkakassaanne – jonka kohteen päätätte sitten häiden jälkeen.

4. Vanhempasi eivät ole kiinnostuneita

Yli-innokkaat, kaikkiin asioihin puuttuvat vanhemmat saattavat ajaa teidät hulluuden partaalle, mutta toisaalta yhtä ikävältä tuntuvat läheiset, joita juhlanne ei kiinnosta ollenkaan. Syitä laimeaan suhtautumiseen saattaa olla useita. Ennen kuin kuvittelet pahinta vaihtoehtoa, eli sitä että vanhempasi vihaavat tulevaa puolisoasi, mieti voisiko syynä olla esimerkiksi väärinkäsitys. Jotkut vanhemmat ovat kyllä innoissaan häistä, mutta ovat niin hienotunteisia, etteivät halua tuppautua suunnitteluihin. Kaikki taas eivät ole juhlanjärjestäjiä eivätkä erityisesti nauti häähömpötyksestä.

Jos läheisten nuiva suhtautuminen tuntuu pilaavan omat fiiliksesi, kannattaa asia ottaa puheeksi – ja valmistautua hyväksymään vastaus. Olipa syy missä tahansa, muista, että kyse on sinun ja rakkaasi tärkeimmästä päivästä, josta tulee upea vanhempien avulla tai ilman.

5. Eronneet vanhempasi eivät tule toimeen keskenään

Täydellisessä maailmassa kaikki eronneet ihmiset pysyisivät ystävinä, valitettavasti totuus on toinen. Saattaa olla, että joudutte ottamaan hääsuunnittelussanne huomioon useammankin eronneen pariskunnan keskinäiset kemiat ja uudet kumppanit. Perheen sisäiset jännitteet aiheuttavat haasteita esimerkiksi istumajärjestyksen suunnittelussa. Joskus eronneet vanhemmat saattavat jopa alkaa vaatia muutoksia vieraslistaan.

Muista, ettei teidän tarvitse kuunnella ”jos tuo tulee niin minä en tule” -uhkauksia. Jos kyse on esimerkiksi omista vanhemmistasi, saattaa olla hyvä ajatus vielä pyytää jotain läheistä ihmistä puhumaan heille järkeä ja koittaa saada heidät ymmärtämään, että kyse on teidän tärkeästä päivästänne. Eivätkö he voisi haudata kirvestä edes väliaikaisesti? Muista, että oli tilanne mikä hyvänsä, saatte kutsua häihinne keitä haluatte. Tosin kaikkien viihtyvyyden varmistamiseksi riitapukareita ei kannata sijoittaa samaan pöytään.

Lue lisää:

Riitelevä suku, humalaiset vieraat ja muut hääpäivän haasteet

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